Do the Dew
by JenniferR.Song
Summary: James introduces Sirius to the Muggle drink “Mountain Dew.” Do not read if you don’t like hyper people. Part III: A Birthday Dew Remember is up! Now COMPLETE!
1. Part I: Crazy at First Taste

Hiya! I know I'm supposed to be working on _Prongs Rides Again_, but this one forced its way into my mind. For all of y'all that hate _Mountain Dew _(including me, funnily enough), you might or might not like this story.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own _Harry Potter_ or any of its characters. I do not own _Mountain_ _Dew_ (I'd rather own Dr. Pepper), or its trademark slogan.

**Summery**: James introduces Sirius to the Muggle drink "Mountain Dew." Do not read if you don't like hyper people. Part I of the Dew Trilogy.

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Part I: Crazy at First Taste

Quietly, James Potter lugged the twelve-pack of soda to his dorm room. It was hard trying to lug the thing along while wearing his Invisibility Cloak, but it was doable. His mother had just sent him his monthly allotment of his favorite Muggle soda. Not matter what, wizard kind just couldn't seem to duplicate the properties of _Mountain Dew_. So Mrs. Potter kept a few Muggle pounds handy to buy it every month for James.

James managed to get the twelve-pack all the way into the dorm without making a sound. He gently started to push the _Dew_ into its hiding place under his bed.

The lights came on, revealing Remus, Peter, and Sirius, all in their pajamas, all in their beds, and all frowning at James.

"See, I told you he was sneaking out!" said Peter. The Marauder's Map was clutched in his hands.

"Snitch," muttered James while thinking, _So that's where the Map went. No wonder I couldn't find it._ He straightened back up, taking off the invisibility cloak as he stood up.

"What's that?" asked Sirius, sliding off his bed to the floor. He pulled the _Mountain Dew_ out of its no longer safe hiding spot.

"'_Mountain Dew'_" he read aloud. "Is this that Muggle drink you've been sneaking in?"

"No. Wait, how would you know it's a Muggle soda?"

Sirius snorted. "I've been around magical drinks all my life, Prongs. If I haven't seen it before, that usually means it's not magical."

James's face took on a blissful expression. "Maybe not to you, but it's better than butterbeer."

"Better than butterbeer?" repeated Sirius. "It must be pretty good then." He opened up one of the ends of the box, and James snapped out of his self-induced trance.

"Padfoot, what are you doing?"

"I want to find out what's so special about this drink. Duh." He finally managed to get one end opened, only for the cans to spill out onto the floor.

"Be careful, Sirius!" said James. "You shake up one of those things, and it'll explode in your face!"

Sirius picked up one of the cans and looked at the top. "How do you open it?" James showed him the proper way to open the can. The drink fizzled as it was exposed to the air. Sirius sniffed it and sneezed. "The thing went up my nose!"

"Drink some, Padfoot," said Peter. The moment Sirius did, everyone wished he hadn't. His eyes widened and his body started shaking like Remus's did when he was transforming. Sirius had drunk half of the can in the first swallow, instead of just a little bit.

"Oh, no," muttered James. He recognized a caffeine high when he saw one.

"Do you like this stuff? I know I do!" said Sirius very fast. He suddenly transformed into his dog form and began running around the room at top speed.

"What did you do to him?" shouted Remus as Sirius shot over his head.

"It's the caffeine!" shouted back James. "He drank too much! The drink is loaded with the chemical! The only thing we can do is wait for it to wear off."

"How long will that take?" asked Peter, squeaking in terror.

"Probably a couple of hours!" said James, ducking under his bed.

For five hours, from midnight until 5 a.m., Sirius literally bounced off the walls, sometimes in his dog form, sometimes in his human form. Twice, Peter had to transform and find himself a small hole to hide in to keep Sirius from tossing him up in the air like a toy.

When five o'clock came, however, Sirius finally started to slow down. For a minute, he stood in the center of the room. Then he collapsed out of exhaustion. Convinced it was safe, Peter came out of his little hole and transformed back. They levitated Sirius onto his bed, and left him there. As they went down the stairs to the Common Room, James whispered, "Let's just tell the teachers he's out sick. He's gonna wake up in a few hours with a giant caffeine hangover." Remus and Peter agreed.

They never gave Sirius _Mountain Dew_ ever again, and James never brought the drink back on Hogwarts grounds for the rest of his school years.

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Humor, I love it! Hee, hee. R&R, please! I was hyper on Dr. Pepper when I wrote this. Please and thank you! See you around.


	2. Part II: Wedding Crasher

Hey, people, I'm back. I promised this would be up some time this year and look! I've got two weeks left! Maybe part three will be up soon too.

**Summery**: It's James's wedding day and someone accidentally switched the punch bowls. Part II of the Dew Trilogy.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything that has "by J.K. Rowling" at the bottom or anywhere else in said item. I also don't own _Mountain Dew_ or its trademark slogan.

That said, enjoy!

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Part II: Wedding Crasher

For the tenth time, James Potter straightened his bow tie. He grinned into the mirror, happily realizing that his greatest dream was coming true. He was marrying Lily Evans. Taking one last look in the mirror, he walked out of the room to the little chapel where they were going to be married.

The wedding was perfect, although Sirius had nearly given James a heart attack by pretending to lose the rings. Remus smacked Sirius upside the head for that. Peter was unable to attend. His mother was sick again.

It was at the reception that everything went haywire.

"Hey, James," whispered Lily. "What's that in the punch bowl?"

James turned around and said, "It should be just regular pineapple juice. I'll be right back." He made his way over to the bowl and poured himself a cup. He took a sip and grimaced.

"_Mountain Dew_," he muttered. Just then Sirius walked by with his untouched glass. James's eyes widened, remembering the last time Sirius had had _Mountain Dew_.

Unfortunately, by the time James had pushed his way through the crowd, Sirius had tilted the large cup back and swallowed half of its contents. The same reaction that had happened only a few years earlier started again: Sirius started shaking like Remus did when he transformed every full moon.

"Remus!" James yelled. Instantly, Remus was at his side. "Code Dew!" Remus nodded understandingly. They each grabbed one of Sirius's arms and tugged him into a small room that contained excess furniture from the reception hall. Thankfully, it was right next door.

No sooner had the door closed than Sirius began the wild rampage. Turning from human to dog and back, Sirius ran around the room, hyper on caffeine.

The door opened slightly and Lily ran in, shutting the door quickly behind her.

"James, what's going on?" she asked, surprised at their behavior.

"A few years ago, Sirius had some of this stuff, and had the same reaction," explained Remus. "Took him five hours to wear down and that was only a gulp. This time, he drank a _lot_ more."

They watched as Sirius began ripping a chair apart, and Remus winced. "Sorry, Lily, I'll buy the chapel a new one."

Lily shook her head. "Is there any way to cure him? A potion or a spell?"

James shook his head. "The only option is to let him wear it off. The main chemical in _Mountain Dew_ is caffeine."

"You let him have that stuff?" shrieked Lily. "James, that stuff is volatile! Not to mention bad-tasting!" She jumped to the side as Sirius, as Padfoot, ran past her. "Who would want to serve that?"

Remus shook his head. "Looks like somebody wanted to prank the wedding. But the only ones who knew about his past reaction are me, James, Sirius…" he trailed off. "And Peter."

"Or it could be my mom switched the drinks because she knows _Mountain Dew_ is my favorite," added James quickly as Sirius, still in dog form, zipped by underfoot. Lily almost lost her balance, but grabbed onto James before she could go down. They watched, amused, as Sirius began chasing his own tail, oblivious to everyone watching.

Lily and James spent their wedding night looking after Sirius, trading places all night long. Thankfully, all the pictures had been taken prior to the ceremony, so they weren't required to appear together at the cake-cutting time, but Remus tied Sirius up so they wouldn't have to worry about him escaping and completely destroying their wedding.

By the time Sirius calmed down off of this high, it was eight the next morning. James, Lily, and Remus, exhausted, had simply curled up in undamaged furniture sometime about two. When Sirius finally ran out of steam, he collapsed on the nearest bed.

James woke up first and ended up levitating Sirius to the Muggle car they had rented. Remus put a Muffling Charm on Sirius so he wouldn't wake up. The ride to Potter Manor was made in complete silence. They put Sirius on the couch, and Remus dragged himself into one of the guest bedrooms to finish his sleep.

James and Lily curled up together in their room. As Lily drifted off to sleep, she thought to herself, _I'll have to triple-check the drinks when we have children_.

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Eh, not too short, but still pretty good. I liked Part I best, but hey. I couldn't let this one stop there. So Part III will be up when my muses decide to help instead of squabble.

So, thanks to the reviewers from September to now. Has it really been that long?:

astroguitarist, kitty1234, hannah, iheartblackdogsirius, Coffee Grounds, Words-Never-Heard, The choco-holic, MinervaEvenstar, and ballerinadoll9.

So, R&R, people! I want to know if this one lived up to its predecessor!


	3. Part III: A Birthday Dew Remember

Hey, here's the final chapter of _Do the Dew_. Most of y'all agreed that the first chapter was the best, but my muses just wouldn't leave me alone. I have to tell you though, this one isn't as funny as the first two, mainly due to the fact that this takes place when the war against Voldemort is at its peak. It's still got its funny moments, so please enjoy it.

**Summery**: Sirius gets into the _Dew_ on Harry's birthday! Also, a special ending that ties into _Prisoner of Azkaban_.

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Harry Potter or any of its characters. I also don't own _Mountain_ _Dew_ or its trademark slogan. Period, end of story, goodbye. Well, not yet. Please read first.

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Part III: A Birthday Dew Remember

"Hey, Harry! Harry!" Sirius leaned over the edge of the playpen that held his godson, Harry. Harry giggled as he looked up.

"Pafoo!" he demanded. Sirius obliged and turned into the huge black dog that Harry loved to play fetch with. Harry laughed as Padfoot, on his hind legs, allowed Harry to scratch his nose.

It was July 31st, 1981, Harry's first birthday. Sirius and Remus had been invited over to Godric's Hollow, the Potters' "safe house." Because of a prophecy made about a boy born at the end of July who would defeat Voldemort, the Potters had had to shelter themselves to keep the possibility of their child dying if Voldemort came to get him.

James walked by the nursery at the moment and poked his head in. "Padfoot!" he demanded, causing said dog to yelp and jump back on all fours onto the ground. "If Lily catches you inside Harry's playpen again, she's gonna hit your butt with a frying pan, human _or_ dog!"

Padfoot's tail tucked between his legs, and he whined softly.

"Don't give me, that!" chided James. "Lily needs some help in the kitchen with Harry's birthday cake, so–" James was cut off as Padfoot raced past him, barking. He heard him change back at the foot of the stairs. James sighed. Other than the infamous _Mountain Dew_, the only vulnerability Sirius had was sweets of any kind.

James entered the kitchen with Harry on his hip to find Sirius hopping around, trying to help Lily, but ending up being more underfoot than helpful. Remus was passed out at the kitchen table. The full moon was in a week and the werewolf was beginning to feel the strains.

"Mommy!" squealed Harry. He reached out for her, but she was busy. Lily had been losing weight ever since they went into hiding, but she tried to keep a smile on her face every day.

Lily set the cake on the table and accepted Harry. "So, who gets to cut the cake?"

James nudged Sirius, who nudged Remus, causing him to wake up with a "Hm?"

"The cake, Remus?" repeated Lily.

"Oh, right." Remus cut the cake and handed out the pieces. It was a small cake, but as it was only the five of them, it didn't need to be any bigger.

After they had finished and put Harry to bed, James pulled out a deck of cards and asked, "Anyone wanna play?"

"James Potter!" scolded Lily. "You know better than to play cards in front of me. Go in the front room and play."

"Yes, ma'am," said Remus. He and James quickly moved out of the kitchen, and Lily went upstairs to check on Harry, who had started crying again.

Sirius made his move. He had a craving for _Mountain Dew_, and he knew that James always kept a bottle or two in the fridge. He opened the fridge and, lo and behold, there were indeed two bottles of the volatile drink in it. Sirius grinned and grabbed a bottle. It was one of the 20oz. bottles, and Sirius unscrewed the top and sighed, letting the bubbles rush up through his nose. It had been two months since he had had any _Mountain Dew_. The local shopping market had refused to sell Sirius any after he had made a ruckus trying to figure out how to pay for the sodas. It had only been a dozen of the 12-packs, but they had acted like he was trying to cheat them out of their money.

James and Remus walked back in the kitchen to get themselves something to drink just as Sirius threw his head back and drank the _Dew_.

"Sirius!" they both shouted. Sirius began to shake, the caffeine hitting bottom.

"Oh, yeah!" Sirius shouted. "Whoo!"

The two Marauders were dumbstruck. It looked like Sirius just about had control over his _Mountain Dew_ addiction. Or at least the reaction.

"I feel great!" shouted Sirius. "So great!"

"Silencio!" said James. Instantly, Sirius was silenced, but he continued to open and close his mouth, apparently not registering his lack of vocal usage.

"How did he know the _Dew_ was in there?" asked Remus as Sirius gabbled soundlessly to himself.

"Well, he knows I like it, so he must've figured there was some in there."

Sirius began walking around the room, making wild gestures, all the world looking like a wild lunatic.

"Shall we just sit down, lock the doors and let him get over it?" asked James.

"I reckon," sighed Remus. "He drank about, what, half of that bottle?"

"Yeah, he really hit it good this time." James watched in amusement as Sirius turned into Padfoot, who immediately rushed out the doggy door James had installed as a practical joke. James had forgotten to lock it.

"Think of it this way, Sirius," James had said. "Now you can slip in or out all the time and it won't be thought of as unusual by anyone who happens to see you."

James and Remus followed Sirius out to the wide field behind the house. A small hill separated them from a small village in the valley below.

"Wait right here," said James. He left Remus standing there, watching Padfoot play with his tail. Minutes later, James came back, a white ball in his hands.

"What's that?"

"Oh, Muggles call it a soccer ball." James showed him a few moves he had learned when Lily insisted they watch a game.

"It's educating!" she had said. "A way to learn how they play their games."

"Hey, Padfoot, get the ball!" James kicked it and sent it flying well over thirty feet. Lily didn't know, but the ball had had a few Quidditch-related charms put on it, including a Pennifold Charm so it could be caught midair. Minutes later, Padfoot came back, the ball clutched limply in his jaws.

"Uh, was that supposed to happen?" asked Remus.

"No," said James, prodding the ball with his wand. "_Reparo_! There!" The now fixed and inflated ball was once again kicked and once again fetched. This happened for hours.

When Lily came out at daybreak, paralyzed with fear, she found the three men in a pile, sound asleep. She woke them up by kicking James, who prodded Remus, who slapped Sirius.

"So…" she started, her face starting to equal her hair.

"Morning, Lily," Remus said as jovially as he could, evidently hoping to avoid Lily's wrath.

"How dare you!" she hissed. "You could've have revealed our home!"

"It wasn't my fault, honest!" said James, throwing up his hands in self defense.

"In, in!" she said, prodding the three with her wand. Sparks flew out of the end and, Remus was forced to put out his pants.

The men collapsed at the table as Lily leaned over them, seeming to make the men feel as if they were mice.

"Will somebody explain how on earth you three ended up in the middle of the field?" she asked lowly but dangerously.

Sirius gulped, figuring he'd better explain. "Do you remember the sort of reaction I have to _Mountain Dew_?" Lily nodded. "Well, I sort of sneaked one from the fridge last night." Sirius went on to tell Lily about what had happened. Finally he reached the end and awaited her verdict.

"From now on," she finally said, "there will be no _Mountain Dew_ in this house. Ever. Again. Is that understood?"

"Yes, ma'am," said the Marauders meekly.

"Good. Now go shower and get to work."

"All of us?" asked Sirius innocently. "At the same time?"

Lily's response was a frying pan aimed at his rear.

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Sirius Black raised his head as he heard a clanking sound. Azkaban had been his prison for 12 years, and he was there only because he had been framed. Warm memories of the nights he had sneaked _Mountain Dew_ came to him, only to be drained out by a passing dementor. Merlin, he hated those things. The only thing that allowed him to keep his sanity was that he remembered he was innocent. Technically, it wasn't a happy memory, more like a fact, so the dementors could not suck it out. Otherwise, he'd've gone mad a long time ago.

For the first time in forever, footsteps approached his cell and stopped.

"Come to pay me a visit, Minister?" joked Sirius.

Cornelius Fudge frowned, and Sirius smiled.

"Don't worry, Minister, I'm not totally mental."

"I'm just here for my yearly inspection, Black."

"Aw, that's a shame. Hey, do you have a newspaper?"

"Why?"

"Well, I'm _really_ bored in here. The crossword was always the best part, and I do miss doing them."

Fudge looked at Sirius like he had truly gone mad before slipping the folded newspaper through the bars. Sirius picked it off the floor and relaxed on his cot with it.

"Thanks, Minister. You just made my day." Sirius picked it up and looked at the front page as the Minister continued on his rounds without another word. The article on the front had caught his attention:

MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEE  
SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE

_Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry  
__of Magic, has won the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw._

_A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Daily Prophet, "We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank."_

_The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend._

Sirius chuckled. He couldn't think of anyone better to win that money. Arthur had always been a good man, and when he had married Molly Prewitt, Sirius had attended their wedding. It was a shame he couldn't have watched the children grow up. All nine of the Weasleys were waving at him, standing in front of a large pyramid. Right in the middle though, was a sight Sirius had never expected to see. What looked like the youngest boy had a rat perched on his shoulder, but the most unusual part was that Sirius _recognized_ the rat. He had seen Peter transform enough times to know his Animagus form. He had tricked Sirius good all right.

"He must've cut off his finger, transformed, and disappeared into the sewers with the other rats," Sirius muttered to himself. "That's why he wasn't noticed. He escaped as a rat!"

Sirius looked around and outside the bars. He would have to plan his escape carefully, but Sirius was ready to take whatever steps were needed to ensure that Peter Pettigrew paid for the last 12 years of Sirius's miserable life. For now, though, he transformed into his dog form, lest the dementors sense his feelings and suck them out. He would get that rat, but until then, he needed to sleep. And maybe, just maybe, he would steal a _Mountain_ _Dew_ when he got out.

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And so ends the _Dew_ trilogy. Thanks for reading. Y'all have been great. Hey, did you know Tom Riddle (Voldemort) was born on December 31st? So, do you wish the greatest villain in the world a happy birthday just to tick him off? Hm.

Credit to my reviewers. Each review is worth a diamond to me.:

astroguitarist, kitty1234, hannah, iheartblackdogsirius, Coffee Grounds, Words-Never-Heard, The choco-holic, MinervaEvenstar, ballerinadoll9, Xx.Fma-Dnangel.xX, LeonaKat, Gothic-Cutie-Blues, An-Jelly-Ca, and Indigo Meow.

Y'all know what to do! R&R, people! Happy New Year!


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